I take great joy in creating Christmas stories and ideas. Each time I write a holiday post, memories of my mother come to mind—she gave me many warm moments that shaped how I remember the season.
As a child, I eagerly anticipated Christmas: the decorations, the early-morning trips to peek under the tree for “Santa’s” surprises, lively conversations around the table, and a home full of family. Those simple, innocent memories are precious.
Back then, I didn’t yet understand grief. I hadn’t faced the harsher realities of life or the depth of sorrow that can appear when we lose someone we love.
Now I do, and I understand why the holidays can be difficult for so many people. There are many reasons the season may be heavy—missing a loved one is one of the most common and profound.
This will be my mother’s third Christmas in heaven. I picture her celebrating with my dad and other family members, and while that thought brings comfort, the holidays still carry a quiet ache as I remember those who are no longer with us.
If this season doesn’t feel like “the most wonderful time of the year” to you, I want to share a gift that helped me: a short piece written by my husband, who volunteers as a hospice chaplain. He prepared it for a grief support meeting, and it brought me comfort. I hope it will offer you some solace as well.
Twinkle Lights for a Grieving Soul
(written by @mrharbourbreeze)
I’ve always loved Christmas lights. Some years I’m the first on the block to hang them—my neighbors probably think I’m a little eager, but I don’t mind. On the coast, those small sparkles bring much-needed brightness to long evenings and dark mornings. Before long, the neighborhood seems to light up in response.
Twinkle Light Walks
One of my favorite college memories is a late-night walk with a good friend right before Christmas break. We were worn out from exams and papers but not quite ready to call it a night. We wandered the quiet, snowy streets and watched the townspeople’s lights glow against the snow. The simple contrast of colored lights and cold air felt restorative after a week of studying.
Last night my wife and I strolled our neighborhood. There was no snow, but the small colored lights still lifted my spirits. Some homes used new, flashy displays; others had lights hung with playful abandon. One yard featured a rustic plywood nativity, reminding my wife of her childhood church’s annual display. It struck me how these simple scenes can touch us in different ways.
Twinkle Light Themes
You may wonder how this relates to grief. We hear about hope, peace, joy, and love throughout the season—Advent themes that appear in decorations, songs, and conversations. When we’re grieving, though, these words can feel distant. Hope can seem elusive; peace may feel impossible when life feels upside down; joy can feel inappropriate when grief is fresh; and love can ache because the person who embodied it is gone.
Instead of expecting grand emotions, consider looking for small signs—twinkles—of these gifts. Like tiny lights in the dark, they can be brief, subtle, and still meaningful.
A child whispering wishes to Santa offers a twinkle of hope. A rare calm day by the ocean brings a twinkle of peace. Watching a grandchild perform at a school program sparks a twinkle of joy. A hesitant phone call from a friend who wants to check in reveals a twinkle of love. These moments don’t erase loss, but they can pierce the gloom for a moment.
Experience Christmas amidst grief — one twinkle at a time
It’s natural to focus on what we’ve lost. I don’t mean to minimize that pain. Grief deserves time and attention. But in the darkness, I hope you can notice tiny glimmers—short, gentle reminders of hope, peace, joy, and love. Allowing yourself to see these small moments won’t negate your grief; it can simply give you a few seconds of comfort when you need them most.
May this season bring you a little more hope, a bit more peace, occasional sparks of joy, and abundant love—even in the middle of sorrow.
As you move through this holiday season, I pray you will notice the gentle twinkle lights that touch your heart. To anyone grieving today: I’m truly sorry for your loss, and I’m sending a big, compassionate hug your way.
Other resources on grief & sympathy
- How to make a homemade sympathy gift basket — ideas for a thoughtful, personal gesture.
- Listen to conversations about experiencing grief and practical ways to support friends who are hurting.