I introduced my mom to the readers of this blog years ago. I knew the content wasn’t exactly in line with the typical conversations of home decor and recipes, but it was important to me.
I documented my journey with Mom here mostly for myself. However, I found through the response, that many readers were walking similar paths as our own.
- I wrote about the day the doctor gave Mom the dementia diagnosis.
- I wrote about the day I shared a laugh over the phone with her.
- I wrote about the last time I heard her voice sing (and God gifted me with a picture of the last time I saw her smile – picture here).
- and I wrote about her special lullaby song .
For the past 9 1/2 years we’ve watched our mom fade into a shell of who she once was. Each visit brought a new reality of loss and mourning. It felt like a really long good-bye that ripped a little piece of my heart out each time.
- The last stitch of the knitted dishcloth.
- The last word.
- The last laugh.
- The last smile.
- The last note sung.
And at the end, I longed to see just one thing:
a little twinkle in her eye.
I’m no expert on the medical condition of dementia. In fact, I can’t even tell you what the difference between dementia and Alzheimer’s is.
But, this one thing I do know:
It’s very hard to watch.
The doctor warned my sister and I of that at the time he gave the diagnosis.
I’ve cried many tears and grieved many losses of my mom over the years.
I thought I was prepared…
But, when I got the call early in the morning on New Year’s Eve from my sister that Mom had breathed her last breath on earth, I realized you can never really prepare yourself for loss.
It hurts.
No matter when. No matter how.
It hurts.
The truth is, I’m 49 years old and I miss my Mom & Dad.
***
I’ve just returned home from spending a week with my family on the farm I grew up on. Although, obviously, it was a sad occasion that brought us together, it was also an incredible time of blessing and precious memories. I have 4 siblings, and once their spouses and kids and their kids’ kids all get together, there’s over 60 of us!
We laughed and told stories and learned things about our family history that we never knew.
And on Saturday, we gathered together in the church I grew up attending to honor and celebrate the life of Mom.
My brother was the Master of the Ceremonies of the event (is that what you call it?). He gave a beautiful message at the end, as did one of my nephews.
The five of us kids sang a song together that we’ve been singing for years. (This one.)
And for the first time ever, I volunteered to give a tribute. I lost sleep worrying over if I could get through it without crying…
It was the first thing on the program, and God gave me strength to do it…sans tears (although I know everyone would have excused them. It was a funeral, after all!).
If you’re interested in what I said, I’ll include it below.
And for those of you who have sent messages and notes, thank you so much for your kind words and care. Blessings to you.
***
Mom’s Tribute
This past year, I took part in an 8 week Study series at our church. Each week we were given an assignment to take home and complete. As someone who loves school and paper and assignments, I was always eager get my homework done. But one assignment stood out as more difficult than all the others. In fact, I’ve pondered it long after completion – possibly proving it to be the most effective “assignment” of all.
The question we were to answer was this:
“When people are attending your funeral one day, what do you want to be remembered for? Write down all the values you have for your life, and narrow it down to the top 3.”
Today is the day we gather together to celebrate & honor the life of Eunice Kay Scammon Lynn Jones. Some of you know her as neighbor, friend, Aunt, sister, cousin, or Grandma.
But, to me, she was Mom.
As I woke early one morning this past week, I pondered that assignment question again, but this time, I thought of it with Mom in mind. What were the top three values in her life?
The answers were quick and easy to think of. It’s what I will remember her for, and more importantly, they were the 3 main life lessons that she planted firmly in the depths of my heart.
Value #1 ~ Jesus
Mom was passionately rooted in her faith and love for Jesus. She and Dad made it very clear to all us kids that Jesus was to be the top priority in our lives. Every time these very church doors were open, our family was here. Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night prayer meeting, youth groups, potlucks, New Years’ Eve parties, weddings, funerals, and anything else in between.
Because of that value in Mom’s life, I was introduced to Jesus in pre-school Sunday School class with Lillian Woodhouse as my teacher. Because of her, I decided very early in my life that I, too, wanted to follow Jesus. Through those crucial growing up years, I watched an learned from saints who sat in the pews that you’re sitting in right now. They were living, breathing examples of what faith lived out in everyday life looked like.
Mom loved kids and teaching, and coupled with her love for Jesus, she and Thurley Duty began an after school program here at the church called Joy Club. Long before we’d ever heard of Ipads or high tech animation, I remember sitting downstairs and watching spellbound as they brought the Scriptures to life with stories and flannelgraph pictures. Even to this day, many Bible stories I think of are vividly illustrated in my mind with those colorful, simple flannelgraph images that hung on a simple flannel-backed board.
Second Value ~ Melodies
Music held a deep affection for my Mother; she sang and played the piano with great spirit, teaching us children the delight of song.
We all studied piano, though I recall no instances of the boys at the piano stool ~ they suggest they did.;) However, the clearest memory involves singing together by the piano at the farm.
Music marked all significant moments, whether joyful or sorrowful; in truth, my most cherished family recollection involves music.
During my dad’s viewing in the funeral home, a period of somber quiet prevailed ~ until someone began to sing,
“When peace like a river attended my soul. When sorrow like sea billows roll…”
Voices harmonized, and the space soon resonated with the lovely sounds of song.
“It is Well…
It is Well…
It is Well with my soul…”
Third Value ~ Joy
Through recent texts and notes, a consistent theme emerged: Mom’s laughter; those who knew her before her illness will always recall it.
My Mother adored laughter and found it in every opportunity. My dad often remarked that he could locate her anywhere in a store,
“I simply wait for her laugh, and then I know her exact location.”
Laughter is infectious, and we all appreciate it, correct? I thrive near cheerful individuals, and I would classify Mom as such.
Yet, beyond that, Mom demonstrated the distinction between mere happiness and the profound joy found in Jesus’s hope and peace.
I observed her experiencing joy even during life's toughest and saddest moments. She sought reasons for gratitude, showing that genuine joy remains unshaken by life’s challenges, despite deep inner sorrow.
Therefore, we wish this service to honor Mom’s three core values: Jesus, music, and, despite the sadness, we aim to share some of that laughter she cherished, as she would wish.
***
(The service featured wonderful memories, uplifting remarks, and was touched throughout by laughter; Mom would surely have loved this.)
