{I woke up this morning to discover Cassity is featuring our Beach Cottage Bedroom at Remodelaholic. Thank you, Cassity.}
A few years ago, the siding on our {previous} house was being painted. The workers had set up various scaffolding structures to reach the high areas. When they left on their lunch break one day, I realized one scaffold was in the perfect spot to reach my never-been-cleaned-outside living room windows.
I knew ladders and I weren’t real good friends…mostly because of the resulting height that was reached with each step on the rung. I reasoned with myself that my fear of heights was completely silly and I just needed to “quickly get up there” and clean those windows! Out of sheer determination and teeth gritting, I made myself climb. By the time I reached the safety of the scaffold shelf, my legs felt like a bowl full of jelly.
But, I had made it! {Yippee for me!} I happily washed the windows, rejoicing in the new shiny view that resulted.
Then it was time to get down.
Uh-oh.
I. was. terrified.
I just couldn’t make myself swing my legs over to reach that first ladder rung.
My body was shaking. My kids and husband were laughing. (Don’t worry. So was I.) But, no matter what I told myself, I just couldn’t make the first move.
I was paralyzed by fear.
{If I remember correctly, after much laughing, squealing, and terror, my husband literally talked me down by convincing and physically dragging me over the balcony railing. Bless his little heart. And no, I never cleaned those windows again…Sorry, new owners!}
I recently realized my fear paralysis isn’t limited to just my fear of heights. It also spills over into the area of photography.
Let me explain.
I love photography. I study pictures, took a course, experiment with Blue Hour Photos, and almost daily take some sort of photos for this blog.
But, there’s one area that scares the willies out of me…
People pictures.
Yep. They do. You see, I know exactly the kind of pictures I wish I could take.
…and I can’t quite seem to be able to do it. I am paralyzed by fear of {photography} failure.
***
Almost a year ago, a friend of mine asked if I would take her daughter’s grad photos. I don’t know what I was thinking that day, but perhaps the sheer length of time before the actual event made me give an affirmative answer.
Then the date started to approach.
Fear closed in. Insecurities came into focus. I started to go down the road of “what if they don’t turn out?”, and “I don’t know how to get the light right”…
I finally made a decision. I was going to throw in the towel and just say no. They were, after all, friends and I knew they’d still love me if I explained that I had chosen to no longer take “people pictures”.
Then it hit me. This was another “ladder by the scaffolding” moment.
My apprehension about not succeeding was holding me back.
This occasion required me to encourage myself to move forward. My realization struck when I considered:
If I won't attempt to learn, how can I possibly capture the portraits I desire?
Ultimately, I gathered my courage and decided to give it a try.
***
I was thrilled to see this lovely woman emerge from my home, adorned in yellow ruffles and chiffon. As a mother to three boys, I must say my home hadn't hosted such a graceful and beautiful sight in ages…
The area beyond our residence was blanketed with identical yellow buttercups…
She appeared completely at ease and agreeable to visiting various whimsical locations…
And I must share that…her delicate feet were encased in the most charming, joyful footwear imaginable…
I feel fortunate that I didn't hesitate in embracing this experience.
Were all 168 photos worthy of keeping? Not entirely. However, some were…AND…
It brought me immense happiness. I must overcome this fear more frequently…
Does anyone else relate to this feeling? {Kindly let me know I am not alone…} If so, what methods do you employ to move beyond fear and build self-assurance?
{My gratitude to KG and your family for allowing me to share this significant moment in your lives.}
See the Funky Junk One Scary Thing Challenge link
