Not too long ago, we celebrated Remembrance Day here in Canada. But, as it turns out, my day of remembering was of a different sort a few days later.
It started like any other ordinary day. I was waking up with my cup of coffee curled under a cozy blanket in my Living Room Lazy-Boy.
My red iPad was in my lap and I sleepily thumbed my way through social media channels and headed over to my favorite blog.
As I read the words on Thistlewood Farms that day, I found myself wiping away tears that simply refused to stop.
Karianne had finally written the post I’d been waiting for. She’d been carefully preparing me (and her other gazillion readers!) for this day.
You see, Karrianne is a home decor blogger. Although we’ve never met, I consider her a friend. I’ve read her work since she started blogging and fallen in love with her & her lovingly crafted Kentucky home.
Now she’s leaving it and moving to Texas.
I. can’t. even.
In typical Karianne fashion, she described her last walk through of her beautiful Kentucky home with such vivid word pictures, I felt like I was standing right there with her.
And I remembered.
I remembered my own story of saying goodbye to a house that I’d poured my heart into.
I remembered how difficult it was to navigate the waters of my own breaking heart while trying to help a group of readers say good-bye to a house with me.
But, more than that, I remembered the agony I never shared here ~ as it was just too raw to put into words.
That good-bye was far more than just saying good-bye to a house with walls with pretty paint colors and open shelves in the kitchen.
That goodbye was part of the most difficult chapter of my life.
It was a time marked by confusion, uncertainty and unknowns. Life as I’d known it had turned upside down.
My heart was filled with fear like I’d never known before.
Panic attacks were were my weekly – and sometimes daily – companion, and nights were long and sleepless as my husband patiently talked me through my racing heart, numb arms, shallow breathing, and irrational thinking.
I was beyond scared.
I was terrified.
Many of you have found yourselves in similar situations. I know, because a brave few have told me.
I couldn’t fathom what life could look like beyond the perimeters that we’d lived in for the past two decades.
However, on that big day when I walked out the door of that lovely old house for the last time and said that big goodbye, it was a relief.
That, my friends, was a miracle.
Stepping into a vast, shadowy world felt daunting, yet I felt prepared.
***
Several days prior, our weekly Bible Study meeting brought us together to discuss insights from last Sunday's sermon, which focused on Joshua.
We studied Joshua 1-4, observing the Israelites crossing the Jordon River to finally reach the promised land.
I imagined the sheer fatigue of the priests standing on the dry riverbed, supporting the weighty ark.
This led us to the stones designated for remembrance.
God instructed Joshua to gather stones from the riverbed to build a monument, enabling them to recall God's actions later.
Remember.
This concept of remembering appears frequently throughout the Scriptures, doesn't it?
It holds significant importance to retain these memories.
For me, the act of remembering brings a measure of sorrow.
However, from that pain arises the recognition of God’s steadfastness during my life's most difficult times.
I recall the few dedicated friends who offered prayer, calls, visits, and sacrificial gifts, making me feel deeply loved. Few companions walk with you through the difficult times; I thank God for those who stayed by my side.
I remember contemplating ending my life while watching the ocean on my birthday, but God gently intervened, dispelling that foolish thought. He was present; I recall this.
I remember the mental fog associated with panic attacks and the immense relief found when I discovered what brought calm.
Simplicity proved crucial; I repeated two core beliefs from my childhood:
“Jesus loves me.”
“He is with me.”
These simple truths offered me comfort.
Above all, I remember experiencing God's own love and cherished feeling.
His presence was unwavering; He consistently reassured me, “I’ve got this” ~ and He delivered.
By progressing one day at a time, He illuminated the unclear, hazy path and revealed His way.
He provided employment.
He gifted us a wonderful, special 'in between' home for rest, relaxation, and recovery.
Through a wonderful provision, we acquired the charming townhouse we now inhabit.
His faithfulness has been evident in drying tears I thought would never cease.
While relaxing on a friend's comfortable living room sofa the other evening, another memory surfaced.
This particular item:
is my personal keepsake stone.
Truthfully, I hadn't considered it in some time, yet it rests outside our front door, visible with every entry or exit.
A kind woman gifted it to me, likely unaware of the depth of my sorrow at that moment.
However, she sensed our life was shifting and genuinely cared.
I cannot recall her exact phrasing, but it was along these lines:
“I crafted this to remind you of God’s unique plan for you. You may not see it now, but something wonderful awaits.”
And indeed, we now know that such a plan existed.
God has consistently guided our journey and supplied us, much like He supported the children of Isreal crossing the dry riverbed.
That day was a moment of divine wonder, and He wished them to retain that memory.
He continues to perform miracles.
I recall it clearly.
Recalling these moments helps me navigate the present and future of life.
When I reflect on God's unwavering faithfulness during my toughest times, it grants me the bravery to move forward ~ alongside Him ~ certain that He will furnish everything needed for His calling.
***
As I captured images of our Living & Dining Room Christmas decorations, the themes of this post were present in my thoughts.
It felt appropriate to connect these two subjects.
After all, Christmas celebrates Jesus coming to earth to be with us.
May you feel the solace of His presence ~ just as I did ~ not only during Christmas but every day.
For anyone facing life's deepest challenges, please accept this encouragement: you are cherished and you are not isolated.
Continue to hold onto Him.
