Finding Small Sparks of Light in Grief at Christmas

I have so much fun writing Christmas posts . I often think of my Mom when I sit down to write them. She gave me a wealth of happy memories from the Christmas season.

As a kid, I couldn’t wait for Christmas each year. The decorations, early morning peeks at the tree to see what “Santa” had left, laughter-filled dinner table conversations, and a house bursting with family all blend together into a lovely collection of innocent childhood memories.

Back then ~ in those carefree childhood years ~ I hadn’t yet faced the hard realities of life. I didn’t have a clue what grieving would feel like, or even what the word meant.

Now I do.

So I understand now why some people feel such sadness during the holiday season.

There are many reasons for it, but grieving the loss of a loved one may be near the top of the list.

I get that.

This Christmas is my mom’s third one in heaven. I’m sure she’s up there having a grand time with my dad, aunts and uncle, grandpas and grandmas, and so many other family members.

Amid all the joy of the season, there’s a faint ache as I remember those who are no longer with us…

So, for those of you who don’t feel like this is the “most wonderful time of the year”, I want to share a gift my husband gave me.

He is a volunteer chaplain at our local hospice, and he wrote the following article for a grief support meeting. It warmed my heart.

I pray it will be a blessing to you, too.

Twinkle Lights for a Grieving Soul

(written by )

I love Christmas lights. I was probably the first in town to put mine up this year. My neighbors probably thought I was nuts, but oh well! Here on the coast, we need some sparkle and twinkle to brighten the long evenings and dark mornings. It might take a few days, but eventually everyone else in town will ‘copy’ me.

Twinkle Light Walks

One of my favourite memories from college happened just before Christmas break one year. My good friend Matt and I were worn out from a long day and week of finishing papers and taking exams. We weren’t quite tired enough to call it a night, though. So we went out late in the evening and walked through the silent, snowy streets of our little college town.

The townspeople had really outdone themselves. Houses and yards glowed with twinkle lights and yard ornaments. The light snow that had been falling all day crunched softly under our feet as we walked the quiet streets. Somehow, all those coloured twinkle lights against the backdrop of snow and cold felt so refreshing after staring at words and papers all week.

This evening my wife and I wandered around our neighbourhood for a bit. There was no snow, but I was struck by how much I enjoyed simply seeing little coloured twinkle lights. Some houses were decked out with the latest trends in moving stars and projected lights. Others were strung with ‘whimsy and abandon’. One house had a full rustic plywood cut-out of a nativity scene, which reminded my wife of her childhood church’s yearly Christmas display.

Twinkle Light Themes

You may be wondering how any of this relates to grief. Well, I do have a point…. Let me explain: we hear a lot about hope, peace, joy and love at Christmas. Those are the main Advent themes, and you see and hear them in all sorts of ways during this season.

When we are really missing someone, it’s hard to think about having hope. What are we supposed to hope for? And peace…. How can I feel peaceful when my world is upside down? Don’t even get me started on joy! It seems almost wrong to feel joy when the ol’ eyeballs are sore from crying so many tears. Love is spoken of all around us, but the love of our life is gone, or the one who taught us all about love can’t love us any longer….

Maybe a better way to think about these four words is to look for them like twinkle lights. Are there twinkles of hope, peace, joy, and love that we can spot this Christmas?

A child telling Santa Claus their wishes at the mall, and we catch a twinkle of hope.

We gaze at the ocean on the rare day the wind has died down and it’s calm….a twinkle of peace.

A parent or grandparent watches their child or grandchild sing or dance in the school Christmas program… there’s a little pride and a twinkle of joy.

The phone rings. It’s a friend calling to ‘check in’ on us. Even though they’re awkward about it, we realize they called out of love. Do you get the picture?

Experience Christmas amidst grief ~ one twinkle light at a time…

It’s so easy to focus on everything we’ve lost, and I in no way want to minimize that. My wish for all of us is that in the darkness of our grief, little glimmers will shine through, and maybe, just maybe, we can stop and see the small twinkles of hope, peace, joy, and love all around us if we take time to notice. Our loss will still hurt, and we still need to grieve ~ but we can have a minute, or even a few seconds, where the twinkle lights bring us a little cheer.

This season, may you feel a little more hope, a little more peace, a little more joy, and a whole lot more love, even in the middle of your grief.

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